Attack of the Killer Sock-Eaters

The Inspector

2011-03-17T22:39:00.000-04:00

My family is famous for its stories. I can't remember a family gathering where we haven't rehashed old adventures, lovingly taking every moment apart, enjoying the humor, the absolute ridiculousness of some of them (ask my sister about the time she set off a bank alarm, or my mom about the time she drove away from a 7-11 holdup. No, really!), passing each story down to the next generation, who actually hang on every word even though they've heard these stories a million times before. My brothers and sister are masters at the art of verbal story-telling. My older sister and brother work in tandem for stories from their childhood, doing impressions, big arm gestures, pausing at just the right moment before the climax, like magicians unveiling the disappeared woman. Even though the audience has seen it a million times before, they still cheer for the well-executed reveal. My younger brother's stories are a little different, but every bit as entertaining. He has the story of the time he accidentally offended Usher (he had no idea who this "Usher" person was who was talking to him), the time he was wandering around New York and a modeling agent came up and asked him to lunch in Manhattan, and the time he ran into and had a long discussion about piano with then Cardinal Ratzinger, two weeks before he became Pope Benedict XVI. My brother's stories are always new, and always amazing. I enjoy, but also envy the ability of my family to weave words into tiny jewel boxes, capturing moments in time, and painting them so vividly that everyone around feels as though they were there, living the experience with them. It is occasionally difficult to be the type of person who is more comfortable mulling over words and then setting them to paper in a family touched with the gift of the Blarney. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that this is something I obsessed about. As we waited to board a plane at Dulles a few years back, I bemoaned my lack of story-telling spontaneity to my husband for probably what seemed like the millionth time, and he finally pointed out that the rest of my family members are much more extroverted than I am, and are more willing to engage total strangers in conversation, which is where many of the best stories come from. (My mother is famous for this, and we still crack up about the time she ended up asking a woman she had rear-ended to join her at church. The woman came back to the Catholic faith, and had all of her children baptized and her marriage blessed. She and mom still exchange Christmas cards.) I decided that he was right, and resolved to talk to the next stranger I met. As fate would have it, Husband and I were seated separately on this flight, on opposite sides of the aisle, so instead of asking if we could exchange seats, as I normally would, I engaged the man next to me in conversation. He told me about his recent trip to visit his new grandbaby, and how hard it was to get time away from his busy job (which required him to fly all around the country) to go visit his kids as much as he would like. Intrigued, I asked him to elaborate on this jet-setting career of his. I was excited! I had hit pay dirt on my first foray into extroversion! I imagined all the possible things he could be: a pilot, a U.S. Marshall, oooooh! maybe he was one of those concert promoters and I could score free tickets AND a good story out of this. I wondered if he knew Usher. "Weeeeell," he said in this slow, easy drawl, "I'm a rock inspector." Huh? I had no idea where this was going, but I forged on, "That sounds interesting - what exactly do you do?" "Weeeeell, I travel around the country and look at rocks." Maybe he meant diamonds? No. "I go to different quarries, and look at the kind of rocks they're diggin' up." Apparently, he mistook my shell-shocked, slack-jawed expression as an invitation to just delve right into the high-intrigue, exciting world of looking at rocks. Over the next hour, I was regaled with stories of gradation, the depth at which you get different quality of rock (apparently part of his job was to look at the samples and decide if a particular vein of rock was worth following deeper?), and the different uses to which all these rocks were put. My ears perked up at that last one, but no, there was no discussion of marble flooring for the White House, or granite countertops for high-end luxury apartments in Manhattan, really it was all about gravel for paving, and occasionally, how you could use different grades of gravel to fill the holes right up with no asphalt at all, because THIS gravel was so fine, it just packed right in! At one point in the flow of gravel-related conversation, I glanced over at Husband, who sat there silently shaking with laughter. I vowed retribution with my eyes, and returned my attention to the rock inspector. I will say this for the man, he was extremely knowledgeable about his job! We parted ways at the end of the flight, and he seemed to have genuinely enjoyed regaling me with all the nitty gritty details of rock inspection. I filled Husband in on all the details, and vowed to stick to introversion from that moment on.

Soooo, Apparently Ignoring a Blog for 5 Years Is a "Fail"?

2011-03-15T21:57:00.002-04:00

For reasons that shall soon become apparent, I am not an organized person. I am the product of two worlds colliding with a quiet, WASP-like implosion (you know, without the Protestant, or the fine bourbon). My mother, God love her, has, after nearly 50 years of marriage finally figured out that in order to be places on time, one must leave one's house BEFORE the required arrival time. My father, who is actively earning Purgatory Points every time my mother is late, is mostly German. That's right, folks, he's descended from a line of people so freaking organized that they invaded France TWICE. In the same century. The point is, that their unholy union resulted in me (and my siblings of course, but whose blog is this anyway?). That means that at my core, I know that in order to be some place on time, I need to give myself 15 extra minutes to get out the door with my three (yeah that's right, it's been a busy five years, hardy har har) kids, because the good Lord knows that it is never as easy as just putting on coats and shoes and walking out the door. Case in point: yesterday my husband calls while I'm out gardening with the kids (a major accomplishment in and of itself, and one NOT likely to repeat itself this year) and asks me if we would like to come get him at the metro and have a nice day out, seeing as he has gotten out of work a little early. Well, HECK YEAH! It's a gorgeous day, the metro is a 20 minute drive away, maybe a little less when there's no traffic, and we've got 45 minutes before my husband's train arrives. However my son and daughter have been gardening for the past two hours. They are covered in dirt, leaves, etc., I didn't shower this morning because, well, gardening! After having three kids, I'm a LOT less vain than I used to be, and will often leave the house with unwashed hair, if it's not too bad. However, there is now what I will call gardening detritus in my hair, because my daughter's aim when she flings dirt with her little pink shovel is all too accurate, and my son got a little over-enthusiastic when it came to shaking the dead leaves off our giant azalea bush. But, I figure, the older kids can change their clothes themselves while I wash out the twigs and dirt and change the baby. The first part of the plan works well - with minor quibbling, the kids are in less encrusted clothing and sent downstairs to wrestle on some shoes. My hair is clean and wrapped in a towel to dry a little while I change Baby Girl...look at me, all time efficient and stuff, letting my hair towel dry a bit before I hit it with the hair dryer....OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT IS THAT UNHOLY SMELL???? No, she was just wet, right? RIGHT???? Why is there a giant baby-poo colored patch on my bed? Why is Baby Girl's back wet and gross to her neck??? 20 minutes later, I am blow-drying my hair (really at this point just so I won't look like a crazy person and scare all the nice businessmen at the metro), finally, and hollering for the kids to meet me by the door as I rush downstairs, I am greeted by my oldest standing by the door in his bare feet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the SIX YEAR OLD had somehow interpreted my direction to go put his shoes on right now as, "in your own good time, when you finished drawing, or whatever". My daughter's shoes were on. They were on the wrong feet, but they were on. She's three. FINE. I will yell later, and right now I can use the time that he's putting on his shoes to crate the dog (did I mention the dog?). Finally we tumble out of the house, 5 minutes before my husband's train is due. But, there is hope! Traffic is light, so we get there "only"10 minutes late. I pull in, and almost immediately get a text from the love of my life, "BTW, train late, don't rush." This is my life. And this is why my blog is five years behind.

Let the Tears be Shed

2011-03-15T21:53:00.003-04:00

I wrote this at a very difficult and different time, and on another blog, because I thought it was too sad to go with my perky pink background. However. I am not organized enough to have TWO blogs that I ignore, so here it is:

Let the Tears be Shed

Two weeks before the tragedy at Virginia Tech, another life was lost. There was no national outcry, no day of mourning - this was a very private death. My child died before I even had a chance to see her because I miscarried at 13 weeks. There was no reason for it, there was nothing that I could have done differently to keep my child alive, she just slipped away and I didn't even know it until I ended up in the emergency room, listening to a doctor I didn't know tell me how sorry he was, but...
On the surface, there doesn't seem to be much of a connection between the unseen, peaceful death of my child and the very public, brutal deaths of the students and teachers at Virginia Tech. However, when I was allowed to go home, the order sheet that went with me was very specific, "Do not make any major decisions." In other words, my grief and pain were so deep that any decision I made would not be based on rational thought, but a kneejerk reaction to what I was feeling. My doctor was telling me to take time to mourn, to grieve the baby I would never hold, and the potential that was lost with her. On the surface, the two incidents have almost nothing in common, but if one looks deeper, he will find that the reactions of politicians, pundits, and all the rest of us are based on grief, rage, and the feelings of complete helplessness that horrific acts bring out in everyone. This is not a time for decisions, for political parties to forward their agendas on gun control or security. This is also not a time for blame, as there is so little that anyone can do in the face of determined evil. This is a time for mourning. Lives were brutally taken away, great potential was snuffed out in an act of violence so horrific that our minds can't even wrap around it. We are not ourselves right now. Pain and loss cause us to react, rather than reason, and that is how we humans are. Don't minimize this tragedy by trying to tie it up in a box that fits an agenda. Acknowledge that this is something we are all suffering, and give us all time to grieve, and time to learn how to heal.

Drawing First Blood

2006-03-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

My poor baby boy had his first cut today. He tripped over his own feet and hit his head on the edge (not corner) of the coffee table. The funny thing is, when I scooped him up to check on the damage, it wasn't his head that was bleeding, but the little corner right next to his nose - you know, the tiny crease where the nose meets the face. There was a tiny welling of blood there from a small cut. So now my son has had his first cut, probably one of many to come, but it was still very upsetting to see that little droplet of red on his previously perfect baby skin. He cried a little, and then started laughing as I put some cold water on his nose. I also put some arnica gel on his forehead where he bumped it, so there was no swelling or bruising where he hit his head. One day, perhaps, I won't even remember this, or be bothered by such a tiny bit of blood, but that day is probably a long way away. And, honestly, I'm a little worried about whether that day will ever come. Wesley is my first child, and my baby, and I sometimes worry that I will never be able to treat him any differently. Fortunately, he is still tiny, cuddly, and young, so he won't be rolling his eyes and howling "Mooooom!!" at me for a while yet. For now, I am still allowed to baby him, hold him, and kiss away his hurts. And that is something I'll treasure as long as I can.

My Son and the Birds

2006-02-12T15:34:00.000-05:00

Wesley is getting bigger, as children do, and more interested in the world around him. He particularly loves to watch the birds that eat outside of our family room windows. He'll stand in front of the windows for whole minutes at a time and watch the sparrows fly around and hop in the bushes. Sometimes when he gets tired of watching them sit there, he'll bang on the window so that they fly away, and then he laughs and tries to say "bird". However, since he's only 10 months old, it comes out missing several key letters, such as "i" and "r". He really enjoys seeing all the fun, new things there are in the world. When we went on a walk the other day by pond, and saw some ducks, he was completely fascinated. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he watched, wondering, while one of the ducks dunked itself upside-down in the water. I tried to tell him that ducks were birds too, but he quite obviously didn't believe me, since birds fly around, and these things were in the water, floating. Sometimes I try to imagine what the world must be like from my son's perspective. I think it must be like living in an alien land. Everything is bigger than him, and all mis-proportioned for his baby body. And, besides that, there are so many things that are strange and new. Imagine living a baby's life, hanging out with your parents, eating, sleeping, and then all of a sudden the entire world is white and cold! We know that its snow, but what could Wesley possibly be thinking about the complete metamorphasis of his world? Every time I think of all the firsts Wesley still has before him, I am so thankful that I get to come along for the adventure and see the world through his eyes.

Merry Christmas, darnit.

2005-12-08T23:56:00.000-05:00

In this time of peace, joy, and goodwill, I have HAD it. The constant barrage of hostility towards anything Christian (from Manger scenes to Christmas trees) is beginning to wear my spirits thin. As far as I know, there are only two major religions that have major holidays at this time, so let's stop acting as though wishing someone a Merry Christmas is akin to dragging out a copy of the Bill of Rights and stepping all over the First Amendment. The majority of the citizens of this country practice some form of Christianity, and there are very few people of ANY religion (or lack thereof) who will be offended by someone offering them a greeting that carries with it wishes of peace, joy, and happiness. So, please, pour balm upon my bruised spirits and wish me a merry Christmas, or, if you are of the Jewish faith, a happy Chanukah. Accept my religiously-affiliated greeting in the spirit in which it was given, and stop worrying about whether or not celebrating the birth of Jesus is politically correct.

My baby does the hanky panky...

2005-09-30T01:01:00.000-04:00

My son has recently discovered that, despite the fact that he has not yet mastered crawling, he can manuever by rolling and spinning on our hardwood floor. This, while a great source of motherly pride at his obvious level of genius, is also a great source of worry and annoyance. It used to be that I could put him down on his blanket on the floor while he kicked and bubbled, and I made breakfast, or emptied the dishwasher. Now, however, if I were to do that, I would find him on the verge of manuevering himself under the couch. Even though I watch him like a hawk, the speed at which he can get into things and wriggle his way around is truly terrifying. I took a bite of my sandwich at lunch the other day, and in the time that it took me to finish it, he had managed to grab one of my books off the coffee table shelf, and rip off a piece of the cover, which he then tried to shove in his mouth as I reached over to take it from him. For someone who is not quite six months old, he definitely has a very strong sense of what he should not be doing. I love my son, strongly, desperately, in the constant knowledge that I do not deserve something so beautiful and good; in the constant fear that I will not be able to keep him safe forever. And his adventuresome disposition from such an early age seems to confirm my every fear - he will find the highest branches, the steepest hills, the deepest waters, and I will watch, praying and biting my nails, ready to be his safety net if he needs me, and knowing that he probably won't.

Cleaning Is Time for Reflection...or So I've Heard

2005-09-19T16:12:00.000-04:00

The only type of reflection I do when cleaning/organizing my house is, "How in the HECK did that get there? Is that a clothing tag???" Seriously, It is the #1 thing that I find on my floor, clothing tags. I believe that they hop out of the trash can in which they were deposited so that they can scamper around the floor, sticking to feet, causing slips, following me into bed, onto the couch, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The other thing that I find everywhere is dryer sheets. I think that they insinuate themselves into the clothes so that they can escape from the dryer, and then its just one big party to them. I'll be walking around in public, and my husband will lean over, lovingly, and pluck one from my back, where it has been sticking since I left the house two hours before. I almost feel as though I should have him give me a pat-down before we leave the house, "Ok, no dryer sheets. Wait...is that a clothes tag?"

Is nothing sacred???

2005-09-18T23:32:00.000-04:00

I finally came back to my blog, after months and months of abandonment, to find that one of my posts had a comment. I was so excited to think that someone had thought enough of my ramblings to post a comment, so imagine my disappointment to find that some IDIOT had actually spammed my blog!!! Disappointment quickly gave way to a serious case of pissed-offedness when I looked over the spam: a page and a half of fake-stock related crap. I don't know about everyone else, but some things should be above such blatant abuse...although, I suppose I should be thankful that it wasn't an advertisement offering to make my *ahem* "man part" bigger. And, on the subject of spam, WHY IN THE HELL WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE???? I am not a man. I am not interested in making ANYTHING bigger. I don't want to see barely legals in various contorted/improbable positions. I don't want a free Ipod. I don't want inside stock trading tips. And, I especially don't want to be told that I should lose weight. What I want is to get and read e-mails from people I actually care about, without having to deal with all of the junk. I know that there are spam-blockers, and bulk mailboxes available, and I use them both, but they don't catch everything, and the spammers are getting more clever about getting their junk through. My question is this: do these people actually make enough money off the replies to justify the thousands of people they annoy/harass with spam? My second question is: who is stupid enough to reply to spam? Do they believe the too-good-to-be-true promises of the spammers? And, really, do people honestly believe that these siren songs come without a price? Even if we don't pay the price in cash, we pay with our privacy. We pay in that moment of cringing when we open our inbox, and we pay with our insecurities as we wonder even as we delete the offer, "Can I really lose 20 pounds in a week?"

The Many Shades of Winter

2005-02-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

As I look out my window at all the grays and browns, I realize that choosing bold colors for our house is a way of compensating for the lack of life and vibrancy outdoors. I still like all the shades we chose, and fortunately, none are what could be called "winter" colors, but it makes me wonder why humans need so much visual stimulation. When I think about it, that giddy, almost high feeling that I get around spring probably has less to do with the temperature than it does with the colors of spring. All that new bright green, and flaming yellows and pinks popping their heads up through the soil makes me feel alive and joyful. Its like nature is celebrating the return of life by painting the world in colors that awaken happiness and hope in it' s inhabitants. I think now that I understand why so many cultures have rites to banish winter and welcome the spring. It was their way of heaving a sigh of relief that the gloomy shades of winter had finally given way to the living joy of the spring.

All the colors of the rainbow

2005-02-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

This Saturday, the husband and I went to Home Depot looking for paint for our new home. Because of the many repairs we've had to make to this new home, money is at a premium, so we have to watch our decorating budget closely. Wonder of wonders, there exists a little thing called "Oops" paint, which consists of a large stack of paint cans, each with a little blob of their color on the lid. Apparently, people take home custom colors, decide that it wasn't quite what they wanted, and return it to the store. Since there is often only one gallon, or less, of that color being returned, Home Depot cannot sell it at full price, so they label them "Oops", and sell each gallon for five dollars.
The best part of this afternoon (other than the price) was how much fun we had going through all of the cans, looking for that perfect color for each room. Since our selection was much more limited than if we had been looking through the hundreds of custom paint chips, the experience was light-hearted and fun, rather than stressful. With our choices narrowed down to orange, brown, blue, or a rather horrible yellow, the decisions were easy, and made with no argument. Furthermore, there was that feeling that you get at a yard-sale or flea-market, that you're really getting away with the better end of the bargain.
We're going back again next weekend, to see if we can find anything for the dining room! I think we're hooked.

Colds and tea

2005-02-05T15:01:00.000-05:00

After a week of poor sleep, mostly from being pregnant and uncomfortable, I've come down with a truly unpleasant cold. It is the kind that reduces previously coherent and intelligent adults to drooling, sniffling messes of misery and fogginess. It is the type of cold that makes me long for the oblivion of sleep, except that I'm afraid to sleep, because I fear that I'll suffocate from stuffiness. Death by snot - now there's a description I do not want on a coroner's report.
Thank God for Puffs Plus tissues with Aloe tm. And for tea. I don't know what it is about tea -hot, strong, and with a dollop of honey - that makes colds seem much less miserable. Perhaps it is the caffeine providing the feeling of sharpness and being awake, or the soothing of the steam and the honey on my throat. Perhaps it is a learned response from my childhood; a time when tea and toast were the staples Mom brought out for the sick. Whatever the reason, my husband is making me tea, and so, for a short time at least, I'll depart the land of the cold-suffering zombie-people, and pretend that I'm just fine.

Life, or something like it...

2005-02-05T01:07:00.000-05:00

In May, 2004, I took one of the biggest steps of my life and married my high-school love/hate interest. We were several years, colleges, and careers removed from high school at this point, and having met up again, decided to skip the hate part of our relationship this time around.
After the wedding, and an incredible honeymoon in Italy, I made the difficult decision to leave my job in D.C., and work full time on making a home and a life for us. Although I loved my job, traffic in Northern VA meant that I spent between 3 and 4 hours commuting every day, and between that and the long hours it demanded, I realized that I would have little time to spend with my brand-sparkling-new husband. So, after some discussion with said husband, and some logistics decisions, I entered into the life of a home-maker! A couple of months later, I became pregnant with our first child, and I guess this is life coming at me at breakneck speed!